A Thousand Broken Pieces

In Agra District, the group visits the Taj Mahal, which their tour guide, Fatima, explains that is a tomb built by Shah Jahan to honor his wife, Mumtaz Mahal, who died in childbirth. The white marble allows the structure to change color with the time of day. The group is impressed, and Leo and Mia lead their discussion at dinner by talking about how to honor loved ones after death. Lili shares how her family sat shiva, Jade says that her family celebrates El Dia de los Muertos, and Travis explains that he raised funds for a plaque. Savannah says that she wants to become a pediatric oncologist to help other teens and children with cancer. Cael speaks for the first time in a group session and says that he wanted to continue playing hockey but is not sure if he can. Dylan refuses to share, and Savannah wonders if his boisterous personality is a mask for his grief.

Later, Savannah finds Dylan alone and asks him about Jose. Dylan confesses that he and Jose were in a romantic relationship, though neither of their families knew or would accept their orientation. Dylan says that he could not honor Jose without revealing their relationship, though the fact that everyone thinks they were just close friends is making it harder for him to address his grief. Jose was hit by a drunk driver, and Dylan could not see him in the hospital because they were not family. Savannah praises Dylan for talking, and Dylan says that he never told anyone about the relationship before Savanah, adding that he still cannot tell his family because they would not accept him.

In Varanasi, the group visits the Ganges, and their tour guide, Kabir, explains how Indians see Varanasi and the Ganges as a meeting point between life and death. Cael is impressed by the crowds of people bathing, playing, and celebrating in and around the river. Kabir adds that people believe that they can release their loved ones from suffering by cremating them by the Ganges. 

As they continue walking, they pass by mourning processions of families carrying the bodies of their loved ones on platforms. Savannah seizes up in an anxiety attack, and the group falters. Mia guides them back to the hotel, and they discuss how they feel about what they saw. Travis is reminded of his dead friends, and Savannah thinks about Poppy’s body. 

Kabir says that Indians celebrate death as another stage of life, as well as a lesson to live life to the fullest. He brings them to a shop where people are celebrating and eating sweets as part of the mourning process. The group still flinches at seeing funeral processions, but Cael is proud of Savannah’s strength. They eat some candies, but Cael worries that eating the candy is like admitting that something about Cillian’s death was good.

The group returns to the hotel to reflect, with Travis, Dylan, Jade, and Lili breaking off in pairs. Cael and Savannah go for a walk, and Cael admits that he cannot let Cillian go. Savannah tells him about the experience of watching Poppy die, telling him that she spent long nights researching cancer for a possible cure. Cael feels like he is failing his parents by shutting them out, but Savannah insists that he is not a bad son. Savannah says that she is afraid to be happy without Poppy, and they rest for a while.

In bed, Cael gets a text from his father telling him that his parents love him. He remembers his guilt and responds that he loves and misses them, too. His father responds immediately, thanking him for texting and expressing hope that they can talk soon. Cael says that he is trying, and he falls asleep feeling a bit better.

Savannah reads another entry in Poppy’s journal. In it, Poppy talks about laughing with Ida and Savannah, adding that laughing with her sisters is something that she will miss when she is gone. 

The group of teens gathers in white for the festival of Holi, during which people throw colored water and powders to celebrate love and spring. Cael is playful, and Savannah feels like she is seeing what Cael was like before Cillian’s death. The group splits into teams and heads outside, where everyone is throwing colors around. After hours of playing in the streets, Cael and Savannah step into an alcove and kiss. They want to take their relationship further, and Savannah feels like Cael is her soulmate. At the hotel, Dylan says that Savannah looks at Cael the way he used to look at Jose, and Savannah assures him that he will find love again. Cael jokingly tells Dylan not to flirt with Savannah and grabs her in an embrace.

That night, Savannah waits for Leo and Mia to check the rooms and then gets ready to go to Cael’s room. Instead, Cael arrives at her door, and Savannah realizes that they had the same thought. They have sex, noting that it is the first time either of them has been intimate with a partner. Afterward, they embrace in bed, both feeling a reprieve from their grief, anger, and anxiety. Cael goes back to his room, and Savannah calls Ida to tell her about Cael.

On their last night in India, the group participates in the Ganga Aarti, a celebration of the Ganges’s healing and holy powers. They gather on a boat with plates of leaves and flowers, which they float on the river to symbolically release their deceased relatives and friends. Cael holds back tears, and Savannah wonders what he is thinking, reflecting on how much progress they have both made. She thinks about Poppy and thanks her for being a good sister and friend. They release their plates, and Savannah acknowledges that they will leave India a little lighter.

The group helps build homes and repair structures in a rural area of the Philippines. It is hot, and the work is hard, prompting Cael to reflect on “exposure,” the purpose of this part of the journey. Leo and Mia had explained that each stop prior to this had helped prepare the teens for exposure to massive loss, such as the destroyed homes and families in this region. Savannah tells Cael that they are gathering at a school for games, and Cael absentmindedly agrees. He thinks about how unsettled he has felt since releasing his plate on the Ganges, but he does not tell Savannah about his feelings.

At the school, Cael sees everyone playing with the children, as well as one child off to the side. Leo explains that the child, Jacob, lost his brother, who died while saving him during a hurricane. Cael goes to Jacob and asks him why he is not playing with the others. When Jacob does not respond, Cael tells him about Cillian, remembering a time when Cillian encouraged his hockey playing. Jacob softens and tells Cael about how his brother, Daniel, was teaching him soccer. They go to a sports shed filled with hockey supplies made for playing without ice. Cael teaches Jacob how to play, and then everyone joins in. Savannah praises Cael, who feels good even amid his grief. Leo challenges Cael to a match, and Cael defeats Leo easily. 

After Cael tells Jacob that he will see him tomorrow, he and Savannah go to the beach. Cael drags Savannah into the water and tells her that he thinks he can play hockey again. He worries that Harvard will reject him, but Savannah assures him that they will understand his grief. Savannah worries that the next part of the trip will be painful, but they agree that they are happy to be together.

Each teen in the group has a personal journey, and Cael knows that Savannah’s is to spend time with doctors in the Philippines, learning about how they treat diseases like cancer. By contrast, Leo brings Cael to a group therapy session, led by a therapist named Simon, in which a group of men talk about their experiences with depression and attempted suicide. Cael freezes, thinking about how Cillian could have been one of these men and about how these men could have left their younger brothers like Cillian did. Each man tells his story, and Cael leaves when the last man finishes. Simon follows Cael and explains that his brother, Thomas, died by suicide and that like Cael, he himself was angry for a long time. Simon asks Cael the same question a therapist once asked him about his brother’s death: whether Cael would be angry with Cillian if he had died from a disease. Cael rejects the idea entirely, but Simon explains that depression is a disease, like cancer, and that it is sometimes terminal. Cael relates his brother’s death to Poppy’s and is overwhelmed by sadness and guilt. Leo leads Cael back to their lodgings.

Savannah and Mia find Leo and Cael, who is crying, grieving that his brother died from a disease that he fought for as long as he could. Savannah comforts Cael, and Leo helps get Cael to his room. Cael and Savannah lie in bed, and Savannah assures Cael that he does not need to feel ashamed or apologetic. Cael worries that Cillian might not be in heaven, and Savannah assures him that Cillian is at peace. Cael internally apologizes to Cillian for blaming him and says that he misses and loves him.

Savannah reads an entry from Poppy remembering how Savannah looked when she saw Poppy dying. Poppy says that the hardest part about dying is seeing the effect that her illness has on her family, and she promises Savannah that she is happy. She encourages Savannah to find happiness and share it with others.

Savannah sits with Cael, nervous about her exposure therapy. Since Cael’s breakthrough, she has realized that she is already past the most debilitating part of her grief. Cael encourages her, and Mia brings Savannah to meet Dr. Susan, an oncologist. They go to the hospital and review the children they will meet. Susan says that one patient, Tala, has the same cancer that killed Poppy and that she is 14. Savannah is heartbroken, but she powers through meetings with other children, noting their varying degrees of illness and praising their strength. They get to Tala’s room, and Mia and Susan leave Tala and Savannah alone. Savannah tells Tala about Poppy, and Tala likes the idea that she became a star after dying. Tala feels tired and asks if Poppy was scared; Savannah says that Poppy accepted her death but still felt scared sometimes. When Tala’s family arrives, Savannah leaves, and Tala says that she will see Savannah from the stars.

Savannah cries, but she holds on to happy memories of Poppy. She tells Mia and Susan that this experience cemented her desire to become a pediatric oncologist so that she can help eliminate cancer and protect families from losing children like Poppy and Tala.