Binding 13

“These were boys. I played with men. I often wondered what the point was in playing on the school team. It didn’t do shite for me. Club level was basic enough but school boy rugby was a fucking waste of my time.”

In the novel’s first chapter from Johnny’s perspective, it is made clear that he has little interest in playing rugby at Tommen because it does nothing for him. It conveys Johnny’s extreme focus on rugby, as he is uninterested in anything one would typically get from organized athletics—things like teamwork, friendship, and fun—and is only interested in what the sport can do for his future.

“Jesus, this girl was beautiful. I’d noticed it earlier of course, she had a striking look about her, but now, seeing her up close like this and being able to count the freckles on her face—eleven by the way—it was hitting home just how striking she was. Her blue eyes were big and round and fucking beautiful.”

In the first moments that Johnny really looks at Shannon, he sees how beautiful she is and becomes obsessed with getting to know her, experiencing romantic desire—as opposed to purely sexual desire—for the first time. His description of Shannon contrasts sharply with her own self-description, in which she describes her eyes as “too big for [her] face and a shocking shade of blue” (1).

“She wasn’t an unattractive woman. She had a nice shape and a fantastic ass. But she was a case of mutton dressed as lamb.”

Johnny’s description of the school secretary, Dee, juxtaposes directly with his assault on Ronan just a few pages before. When Ronan talked of Shannon as “fair game,” Johnny decried his insensitivity to her feelings and choked him in the locker room. Now, however, he uses the same kind of objectifying language to describe another woman, revealing his hypocrisy but also his protective nature, as he sees Shannon as a “girl” in need of protection and Dee as a grown woman.

“I could prevent anything like this from happening again. It wouldn’t happen again. Not on my goddamn watch.”

In an instance of dramatic irony, Johnny reads Shannon’s file and comes away convinced that he can protect her from any abuse she might receive. However, he fails to recognize two important things: First, he needs Shannon to trust him enough to reveal what is happening to her at home as he can’t read about her father’s abuse in a file; second, he does not know the complexity of the situation, as Shannon refuses to seek help from authorities and Johnny trying to help would only make her father even angrier at Shannon.

“I was glad that I hadn’t been able to have sex since Halloween. Maybe it was fate? Without my cock blinding my ability to make good choices in lieu of pussy, I was able to see through Bella’s façade.”

This quote conveys the symbolism of Johnny’s injury in the text. He mentally makes the connection between his injury—which has prevented him from sleeping with Bella and therefore causes her to leave him—and his ability to make healthier choices in his personal life. Because of his injury, he gets to know Shannon as a person without sex being a central part of their relationship, which it always was for Johnny in past relationships.

“‘We were talking,’ Johnny bit out. He cast a scathing glare at the photographer and then walked right over to me. ‘Smile,’ he instructed quietly as he pulled me into his side and clamped his huge, muddy hand on my hip.”

At the moment when Johnny has his picture taken with Shannon, he thinks little of it and pulls Shannon into the photo simply because the photographer tried to get her out of it. However, he does not realize the consequences that the photo will have for Shannon, failing to understand her perspective. Additionally, these moments give Shannon her first insight into The Pressures of Athletic Excellence for Johnny. Initially, she assumes that Johnny enjoys the popularity and fame, but then she notices his “scathing” look and the disdain he shows for the reporters, allowing her to see that he does not enjoy the attention but rather endures it as a consequence of his success.

“I was standing outside the girls’ bathroom, waiting on a girl to come out who might not be in there to begin with. I was as bad as [Ronan]. Disgusted with myself, I turned to leave.”

Confused by his feelings for Shannon—both of love and protectiveness—Johnny waits outside the bathroom for her and compares himself to Ronan. However, the reader recognizes the key difference between Ronan and Johnny: Ronan tries to force his relationship with Shannon even when she resists, while Johnny constantly listens to what Shannon needs, protecting her and giving her a ride without asking for anything in return.

“People don’t get how incredibly hard it is to play at that level and stay there They assume it’s easy for athletes and that they’re spoilt and entitled, but they don’t see the huge, behind the scenes sacrifices that are made daily by those guys.”

Although Shannon understands little about rugby and Johnny’s success, she articulates Johnny’s exact feelings at this moment. He had already expressed his frustrations in his point of view over the other rugby players calling him “arrogant” or “spoiled,” as they failed to understand how much work it took to get where he is. This moment is the first in which Johnny and Shannon have a real conversation, and it is the foundation for why their strong relationship: Unlike any of Johnny’s previous girlfriends, Shannon understands who Johnny is as a person and sees past his rugby stardom to what is behind it.

“I was young but I wasn’t stupid, and I knew that harboring any sort of feelings, harmless crush or not, for a boy like Johnny Kavanagh would do me no favors in the long run.”

After Shannon learns how good at rugby Johnny is from Joey, she lies in bed and contemplates her feelings for him. These thoughts reflect the theme of The Psychological Effects of Trauma. Despite everything she has actually seen in Johnny—his protective nature, his kindness, his willingness to protect her—she still convinces herself that he will not be good for her, largely due to her past experiences and their lasting effects.

“Finding her on the floor like that was beyond terrifying. My heart literally seized in my chest when I saw her and only kick started back up when I got to her and realized that she was okay. She was mortified, but she was okay. I didn’t care about puke. Everyone puked.”

These thoughts from Johnny juxtapose the ones that Shannon has about her own situation. She is distraught at having thrown up in front of Johnny and convinced that he will be disgusted or judgmental because of it; however, Johnny cares little about her throwing up and is much more concerned about her welfare.

“I felt incredibly guilty. There was something about me that caused all this pain. If I wasn’t in this house, I was fairly sure my family wouldn’t have half the problems they did. Mam took a beating from my father because of me. Because he hated me. I was the problem.”

Shannon’s thoughts about her home life convey the theme of The Psychological Effects of Trauma. Despite all of the evidence pointing to the contrary—the fact that her father abused both Joey and Darren, that he regularly beats his wife, that he is an alcoholic, and more—she still has convinced herself that she is the problem in their house and not her father.

“Fighting with your teammate over a fucking girl is the beginning of the end. Go down that path and it’s over for you before it has even started.”

Ironically, Johnny lectures Cormac about not wanting to fight with a teammate over a girl; however, he did that exact thing when he beat up Ronan twice for talking to/about Shannon. This irony shows the subtle complexities of Johnny’s character and his moral compass. He believes that fighting over Shannon is okay because of his feelings for her, but because he does not care for Bella, it is not worth it.

“I felt terrible for lying to him especially, but I couldn’t exactly turn around and say ‘oh yeah, when my dad’s full of drink, he likes to beat the shit out of me and throw me around like a rag-doll.’ It was at that exact moment that the skies decided to open above us, delivering an onslaught of pelting March rain.”

Shannon’s inability to tell Johnny the truth reflects the internal conflict she has both over her abuse and over her feelings toward Johnny. While she wants to be honest with him to build their relationship, she also recognizes how that would endanger her life at home. Due to The Psychological Effects of Trauma, she fails to understand that support and trust are exactly what she needs to overcome her father’s abuse.

“‘Listen, Kavanagh,’ [Joey] finally said. ‘If you want to know what goes on inside of that head of [Shannon’s], then be worth it.’ ‘Be worth it?’ I frowned at his words. ‘Be worth what?’”

This conversation between Johnny and Shannon’s brother Joey reflects Johnny’s incomplete understanding of Shannon’s situation. Throughout the novel, Johnny resorts to one simple thing to solve problems: violence. However, Joey tries to explain to him that brute force will not get Shannon to reveal her problems to him: Instead, he needs to emotionally connect with her—something that he will not fully realize until the novel’s end.

“And then she went and blew my carefully constructed world apart by putting her mouth onto mine. Shannon kissed me and I froze. I completely fucking choked up, attacked by every abnormal, foreign emotion and sensation a person could think of. I didn’t expect it. I didn’t expect her.”

The different points of view of the novel play an important role in the scene where Shannon and Johnny kiss for the first time. In an instance of dramatic irony, the reader is aware that Johnny has feelings for Shannon but struggles to deal with his emotions and their implications in his life. Shannon—lacking access to this knowledge—assumes that he has no attraction to her and flees from him, failing to understand when he tries to explain.

“I waited for Johnny to stand up and tell me he needed to go back to his friends, but he didn’t. He just sat there with me while the pain relief took effect. He didn’t mock or run. He didn’t react in the way most boys would. He took control of the situation. I knew right there that he was exceptionally special and that it had nothing to do with his sporting capabilities.”

Shannon’s thoughts reveal The Psychological Effects of Trauma, as she expects Johnny to abandon her or make fun of her when she has her first period. The abuse and bullying she has faced in the past have led her to expect the worst from people. It is Johnny’s comfort and supportiveness—in stark contrast to what she has experienced in her life—that attracts her to him. Similarly, her ability to see past his rugby ability and see who he really is, in turn, attracts Johnny to her.

“For the first time in my academic life, I had been given a beautiful cloak of invisibility at Tommen. Johnny Kavanagh threatened to take that away from me and I wasn’t nearly brave enough to let him. All the goodness of last night had been sucked away by the threats of my father and the fear of Bella’s wrath. Now, I was afraid again.”

Shannon’s fear reflects the internal conflicts that both she and Johnny battle with throughout the text. While they both have feelings for each other, those feelings threaten to jeopardize the little stability and safety they each have in life—Shannon from being invisible, and Johnny from avoiding emotional attachments. Ultimately, Shannon discovers that she is “brave enough” to change, reflecting The Importance of Family and Community Support. Both Shannon and Johnny find the support they need in each other, as Shannon learns to stand up to her problems instead of hiding from them.

“‘I will ruin you,’ I repeated, voice deathly cold. ‘Your reputation. Your status, Your friends. Your future relationships. Everything. If you fuck with Shannon Lynch again, I will take everything from you.’”

After dealing with Bella throughout the text and the conflict that she presents for Shannon, Johnny finally figures out a way to put an end to her interference. He realizes that what motivates her most—his popularity—is also what she values most in herself, and threatening to put an end to it ultimately convinces her to leave them alone.

“He appeared cool, calm, and composed, but if you looked beneath the surface you could see that he was like a caged animal inside this bus.”

This simile that Shannon uses as she thinks of Johnny—comparing him to a “caged animal”—aptly describes his situation and The Pressures of Athletic Excellence that he faces. She sees through the popularity and fame that rugby brings him and instead sees the internal conflict that he faces as he tries to navigate his youth and his success.

“I realized that I was witnessing a rare moment of vulnerability from Johnny, and my heart could barely take the pressure. Seeing him like this…so exposed and unguarded? It did something to me. Made me feel protective. Like I needed to nurture him or something.”

As Johnny confesses his fears over his injury, the relationship between Shannon and Johnny reverses: For the first time, she feels that she needs to protect him, while up to this point, it has always been the exact opposite. These feelings reflect the importance of vulnerability and opening up for the two of them. To build a healthy relationship, they need to have trust in each other and expose their fears.

“I was trying so hard to control myself, but it was virtually impossible to do when he had his hands on my body. I wanted to crawl onto his lap and I wanted to run far away from him all at once.”

Shannon struggles with conflicted feelings—wanting to be close to Johnny but also wanting to run away from him. She has feelings for Johnny and wants to be with him, but also fears what it means for her life at home and school. Ultimately, it is her ability to find balance in these two things that leads to the foundation for a healthy relationship for them.

“You’re killing yourself. You do realize that, right? You do understand that you are putting your entire life on the line for a fucking green jersey that doesn’t mean shit in the long run.”

After Johnny’s injury, Gibsie is the first person to verbalize the danger that Johnny has put himself in by hiding his injury, and the first person to demand that Johnny face reality. This interaction reflects The Importance of Family and Community Support, as Gibsie is no longer willing to lie for Johnny and hide his injury, instead choosing to be what Johnny needs—someone to support him even when he can no longer play rugby.

“‘I don’t want to know if he can play rugby or not,’ I squeezed out as a wave of guilt swallowed me up. ‘I want to know if he is okay! Him. Johnny! The person. Not the fucking rugby player!’”

As Gibsie contemplates letting Shannon into the locker room after Johnny’s injury, she repeats the same sentiment that he had just expressed to Johnny moments before that there are things more important in Johnny’s life than rugby. The fact that Shannon has the same feelings convinces Gibsie to trust her and let her into the locker room and into Johnny’s life.