Get a Life, Chloe Brown

Chloe finally convinces her sisters to leave and returns to her bedroom to find Red looking shaken. She asks if he is okay, and he jolts from the bed and starts to dress. She notes that his movements are “jerky and desperate and frantic” (329) as if he cannot wait to get out of the apartment. She tries to convince herself that he is not planning to leave but wants to have a conversation and Red interrupts this thought by asking whether it is true that he is on her list. Chloe says yes and that she does not understand why this is so upsetting to him, given that he knows how important the list is to her.

Seeing his horrified reaction, Chloe tries to explain that being on the list is not a bad thing and asks him to calm down so that they can talk about it. Red yells that Chloe will not “make a fool out of me” and that nothing will convince him that she isn’t a “manipulative, lying user” (331). He tells her their relationship is over and that he will pretend he never met her.

As he storms out of the room Chloe’s own lingering relationship trauma tells her that Red is leaving her. Chloe remembers her promise to herself that she would never chase anyone who wanted to leave her, but her “feet moved without permission” (332) and she finds herself chasing after Red. She begs him to trust her, and he says that he cannot. She tells him that if he can leave this easily, he should not come back. He slams the door and Chloe sinks to the ground.

Only when he is out of the apartment does Red’s “mind [come] back into his body” (333). He realizes that Chloe was not trying to manipulate him but that his lingering trauma convinced him she was. Clear headed, he remembers that Chloe told him that she put him on her list because he was important and that their argument had been a misunderstanding. He calls out to the closed door in front of him, apologizing for how he acted, and asks if he can come in so they can talk. Chloe refuses, and says she understands why Red acted that way but that they should not see each other anymore.

Chloe tells him “I can’t do this. Because we’re only human, and I’ll stumble, or you will, and it’ll hurt just like this, and I can’t” (337). Red feels himself breaking and tries to convince Chloe that she did nothing wrong, begging her to take a risk on him. He tells her that she is perfect for him, but she does not respond again. To the closed door Red says, “I love you” (339) and leaves to go figure out how he will prove it to her.

Chloe hears Red’s confession of love through the door and wonders if he meant it. Either way, she decides that it should not matter because no one should have such a profound emotional impact on her anymore. She decides to finish his website, wait until the end of her lease, and move out of the apartment complex. For the rest of the day, Chloe throws herself into finishing Red’s website. Upon completion, she sends him an email saying that the website is complete and ready for publication. She assumes that after sending this final email she will feel some sense of relief, but instead her pain becomes worse. She shuts down her computer hoping that her feelings will fade and that she has made the right decision.

The next morning, she sees a notice on the building’s bulletin board stating that Red will be leaving next month from his position as superintendent. Chloe tries to convince herself that this is “Good for him. Good for her. Good for them both” (342), and distractedly makes her way to her apartment, hitting her foot on a package left outside her apartment door. Without opening it, she knows it must be from Red. Scrawled on the box is her nickname, Button. She opens the box and finds a notebook, in which Red has written her a message. Assuming he has written her a goodbye, she refuses to read it and puts the notebook aside. Inside the box she also finds her favorite chocolate in a large quantity.

The next morning, she finds another box with a tiny jar decorated with gold stars containing her favorite hair ties. As she goes to put the jar back in the box, she notices that the jar does not have a traditional lid but instead a “transparent-looking bubble thing around the opening” which gives way when she inserts her hand into the jar, preventing her from having to twist open a jar lid. She wonders if she should read the note after all but decides against it.

Over the next few days more gifts arrive at her door including a guide to New York City and a stuffed cat that resembles Smudge. With each gift Chloe misses Red more, “so much that she was starting to hate him” (346). She grabs the notebook again, willing herself to open it, but instead she puts it down and goes to see Gigi.

In Gigi’s yoga studio, Chloe speaks with her grandmother about the nature of love and how to know whether it is real if the potential for hurt remains. Chloe asks how to know whether love is safe or worth the risk, and Gigi tells her that love is “certainly never safe, but it’s absolutely worth it” (349). Through her conversation with Gigi, Chloe understands that she loves herself enough to realize that she is brave and then makes the decision to read Red’s note.

His note tells her that he is quitting his job not to get away from her, but to be with her. He professes his love for her, and writes a “Get Chloe Back” list, with items that include items such as continuing therapy and “8. Love her, always, no matter what” (354). His letter closes by asking her to trust herself that they can work things out because she can do anything she sets her mind to.

Chloe rereads his letter through tears and then goes to her window, ripping open the curtains. Across the way she sees Red, standing over his canvas, but then he senses her and looks her way. Red lifts his hand to the glass and Chloe thinks about how this moment could “amount to everything or nothing” (355), but, knowing herself to be brave, chooses Red.

After leaving Chloe’s apartment, Red decides that he wants to fix things not only between himself and Chloe, but his life in general. He gets his savings in order, makes the decision to quit his job, begins networking with old art contacts, and figures out his website. Through these life changes, Red knows that even if he does not get Chloe back, he will be okay, “But he’d be so much better with [her]” (357). Red sees Chloe staring at him through his apartment window and thinks she has gone when she closes the curtain until he hears a knock on his door.

Chloe enters his apartment and hands him a notebook containing her full, uncensored, Get a Life list. He reads it and sees “Keep Red” (359). He tries to explain that he knows he was wrong, but she interrupts him to tell him she read his letter and that she liked her presents. Red begs her to please “put me out of my misery” (359) and Chloe kisses him. Chloe and Red each apologize to each other for allowing their own insecurities get in the way of their relationship and Red tells Chloe he loves her. They agree to work on their relationship together, to fill in each other’s gaps, and the chapter ends with Chloe telling Red she loves him, too.

One year later, Chloe and Red video call her family from New York City. Chloe’s family appears on screen with Smudge in view. Annie gave her to Chloe and Red as a housewarming present when they moved their apartment. Gigi asks about Chloe and Red’s trip, and they briefly tell them about it. Chloe thinks about the other trips they have been on recently—Kenya, Belgium, Cuba—and how incredible each one has been.

When they hang up, Chloe apologizes to Red for taking so long. Before they enter the Museum of Modern Art, Red pulls Chloe in for a kiss, telling her that he wants to kiss her “in every city on earth” (368). He asks her if she is feeling tired from the walk, and she tells him she feels fine because of her buprenorphine patch. Together, they enter the museum, checking off another item on their list.