Mad Honey

“There are some trajectories you cannot change, no matter what you do.”

Olivia reflects on this in the context of the bear attack, as she acknowledges that the attacked colony will most likely not survive the winter, despite her best efforts at repatriating them. The bear attack and the fate of the bees becomes symbolic of the fate of Olivia’s family; thus, this reflection holds true for her and Asher after the trial too. Despite Asher’s eventual acquittal, life cannot and does not return to what it was before the trial.

“From the moment my parents knew they were having a baby, my father wanted me to be a boy. Instead, he got a daughter: boyish in some ways, I guess, but not in the ways that would have mattered to him. […] I’d disappointed him, not because of anything I’d done, but simply because of who I was.”

Lily reflects on how, all her life, she disappointed her father just for being who she was. At first glance, this statement seems to mirror and invert Olivia’s reflection on her relief at having a son. Later, as the story reveals Lily’s trans identity, this statement takes on more significance—clarifying Lily’s use of the phrase “Instead, he got a daughter” as well as the ways in which she was boyish yet fell short. Despite being Assigned Male at Birth (AMAB), Lily’s gender identity and expression disappointed her father.

“When you work with bees, the first thing you do is blow smoke. It’s how a beekeeper lulls them into complacency. Or how a teen tries to convince his mother that everything is okay.”

In keeping with the context of bees and honey, Olivia uses an apt analogy to reference how Asher has been lying to her. This passage displays Picoult’s characteristic style of weaving the unique context of a book into more layered revelations and reflections throughout the story. This specific instance also points to the theme Context and Motivations for Lies and Secrecy: Clearly, Asher has been withholding information from the police and from his family.

“He turns to me. ‘Do you believe people can change?’ All the breath in my body goes solid. ‘Yes,’ I finally say.”

Asher asks Lily if people can change, and Lily answers in the affirmative. Following the revelation of Lily’s trans identity, one can read into her answer as affirming her own experience of having changed who she was. When Asher asks Olivia a similar question later in the story, her answer is entirely different, based on her own experiences with Braden. Each response is significant, as it reflects the individual’s experiences and worldview; equally significant is Asher’s question, as it indicates his awareness of tendencies that he shares with his father, as well as his desire to be different.

“His eyes are locked on mine with a look that I can’t place, but that I’ve seen before. Like he is both haunted by these accusations and hurt by the fact that someone could think so poorly of him. […] I remember where I’ve seen that expression on Asher’s face before. On his father.”

As Asher is taken away by the bailiff, he calls out to Olivia that he didn’t kill Lily, and this moment reminds Olivia of Braden. The moment serves two functions: It alerts Olivia to the possibility that her son may have inherited some of his father’s violent tendencies; and it suggests that Asher may have had a hand in Lily’s murder, especially if his own mother suspects it. The latter function helps maintain suspense and engagement with the plot.

“For eight years I had stayed with Braden. It wasn’t until the day I saw Asher hit his father that I understood I had to leave. I had dismissed what Braden did to me, but I could not dismiss what he might do to Asher. Who Asher might become.”

Olivia recounts the moment she decided to walk out of her marriage. Motherhood is a life-changing experience for Olivia, as it gives her both the motivation and the strength to leave a toxic situation. Her axis shifts to protect Asher rather than only herself; this continues for the rest of her and Asher’s life, as the role of a protective mother becomes an integral part of her identity.

“[I]t turns out a party without guys is like a quiet sigh. […] We are just women, draped over couches and pillows, feeling safe. We don’t have to talk about the things that hurt us, because we’ve all been there before.”

Lily feels safe and comforted in the company of only other girls, at Maya’s menstruation party. In light of a later revelation that Lily is trans, this reflection takes on greater significance. Despite never having menstruated herself, Lily feels safe at a menstruation party among other girls because she has always been a girl herself; thus, it becomes clear that gender doesn’t relate to biology. In addition, she and the other girls share specific kinds of hurt, including assault and the fear of being a victim. This connects to Lily’s later conversation with Ava, as they drive to the town of Adams, about what it means to be a woman. One possible answer they arrive at is a shared experience of having to always be on guard against being someone else’s victim.

“Just about the only thing honey can’t fix is the kind of sickness that gets into your head, robs you of hope, and lands you in the jail infirmary after you try to kill yourself.”

Honey is a recurring symbol throughout the book. Here, Olivia reflects on its remarkable healing power, lamenting how it can’t, however, fix despair. Later in the book, she gifts Ava a bottle of honey, and in contrast with what Olivia feels here, honey symbolizes potential healing—even of heartbreak and loss.

People always talk about how their love for you is unconditional. Then you reveal your most private self to them, and you find out how many conditions there are in unconditional love.”

Lily privately debates revealing the truth about her trans identity to Maya, then decides against it. Her instinct toward secrecy, which underscores the theme Secrets and Lies, is born from her past experiences of the truth invoking negative consequences. Her father, her old friends, her ex-boyfriend, and at this point in the story even Asher seem to have been unable to accept the reality of Lily’s truth.

“I look down at the list of items I’ve scrawled in the notebook. They […] are the makings of cranachan, an old Scottish dessert that my mother would cook for us every New Year’s Eve. […] It was, and still is, a tradition for me and Asher. A comfort.”

During the trial, Olivia begins to jot down ingredients for recipes that include honey. The recipes are for dishes that evoke a certain memory or feeling: comfort, in the case of the cranachan; mourning, in the case of a honey loaf (which she jots down at a later point in the trial). Honey is an essential ingredient in each of these recipes, pointing to its function as a recurring symbol in the novel as well as a source of comfort and familiarity for Olivia.

“Just be yourself, they tell you, to put you at ease. As if just being yourself is so easy. As if, for so many people, it isn’t the very thing that most puts you at risk in this cruel and heartless world.”

Lily reflects on how the advice that people should be themselves is inherently flawed or limiting. In her experience, being herself has invited not just judgment and censure but also violence. The reflection that it has put her at risk alludes to how trans people are constantly at risk in the world—just for being themselves.

“Is it really my responsibility to out myself over and over, for the rest of my life? What is it, in the end, that makes me different from cis people at this point in my life—besides history?”

Lily reflects on her responsibility in revealing her trans identity, which brings up an important question about gender itself. The distinction between transgender and cisgender people is rooted in an individual’s history—that is, whether the “Assumed at Birth” gender converges with the individual’s own experience. When Lily wonders whether to “out” herself, she raises the question of whether—considering that gender isn’t rooted in biology—once a person transitions, an asterisk next to their gender identity and expression ought to indicate “trans” or “cis.”

“[T]here are plenty of animal species that change sex. It’s called sequential hermaphroditism. […] A change of sex occurs, in the animal world, when it is beneficial to the continuation of the species.”

Olivia reflects on how numerous animal species change their sex, indicating that such a phenomenon is entirely natural. In addition, she notes that it occurs when it benefits the species’ survival. Similarly, in Lily’s case, Ava agrees to the gender confirmation surgery after Lily’s suicide attempt, when she sees the threat to Lily’s life that not having the surgery can pose.

“‘To be trans in this world means being at risk,’ she says. ‘That’s true whether you’re out, or not.’”

Elizabeth explains to Olivia how being trans, especially a trans women, is a difficult experience regardless of whether the person is out or not. She says this to explain why Lily may have chosen to remain private about her trans identity. At this point, the narrative has already revealed the dangers and harm Lily has endured because of being trans, both before and after she was out—first at the hands of her father and then at her old school.

“I remember that look—the look of someone who sees that the person who’s supposed to look out for them is actually the person who’s putting them in danger.”

Asher apologizes to Lily for his behavior. His recognition of his behavior mirroring his father’s instigates his apology. He remembers seeing Lily’s expression on his mother’s face with relation to Braden. Asher’s awareness and acknowledgment of this starkly contrasts with Braden’s behavior toward Olivia after an instance of abuse; rather than acknowledge and apologize, Braden would defend and pacify. This difference indicates the possibility for Asher to make a change and grow a different way than his father.

“When, if ever, is the right time for that conversation: before your first date, before your first kiss, before you sleep together? Where is the line between keeping something private, and being dishonest? What if the worst happens? What if honesty is the thing that breaks you apart?”

Olivia wonders about how, when, and if one ought to reveal certain parts of one’s identity and history to a partner. She reflects on this in the context of not just Lily’s trans identity but also her own domestic abuse. Having experienced violence herself, Olivia knows the fear and risks associated with revealing certain things about one’s life to a partner who may react dangerously.

“Even when I spend time with Maya now, she wants to know all about Asher. I can’t tell if she is trying to be a good friend or if it’s because that’s the only way she can be part of a relationship that is now only big enough for two.”

Lily notes how, after she begins dating Asher, Maya wants to talk about Asher all the time too. Lily attributes this to Maya’s feeling left out, as she was once Asher’s best friend and is close friends with Lily too—but Asher and Lily now spend all their time together. However, in light of Maya’s confession at the end of the book, this behavior may stem in part from jealousy and a desire to replace Lily in the relationship with Asher rather than learn about it.

“The secret weapon of mad honey, of course, is that you expect it to be sweet, not deadly. You’re deliberately attracted to it. By the time it messes with your head, with your heart, it’s too late.”

Olivia describes mad honey, the one kind of honey that is dangerous for consumption. The analogy refers to abusive relationships, especially the kind that existed between Olivia and Braden. Charming and attractive on the surface, Olivia was entangled in the relationship long before she could see how toxic and harmful it was. The reference could apply, in part, to Lily and Asher’s relationship as well. Lily is attracted to Asher from the very beginning and opens up to him in unprecedented ways, and she forgives and moves past the violent outbursts he displays in the relationship.

“[A]ll I really want to be—all I’ve ever been—is a girl. Is it so wrong to want to fit in, and to be left alone? Do I really have to spend the rest of my life as the emblematic trans girl? But again: that’s the question. Is being trans the truth of who I am? Or is it just the truth of who I was?”

Lily doesn’t want to join the Rainbow Alliance at school because she doesn’t want to declare herself a trans girl. Lily possesses the privilege of “passing”—because of her genetics, the timing of her hormone therapy, and her surgery, she doesn’t obviously come across as a trans person. In exercising this privilege, Lily questions what it is to be a trans person at all and how relevant the term is when one has chosen and embraced a specific gender identity.

“What I know: You don’t remove from your world the one person who fills it. What I know: Asher can’t be guilty. I feel this certainty flood me, like a light switching on. The prosecution made this a case about Asher’s deceit. But there’s one thing he has consistently told the truth about: his feelings for Lily.”

Olivia is entirely convinced of Asher’s innocence in Lily’s murder. Her realization arises from the recognition of how Asher’s feelings for Lily have never wavered; he has been accepting of every part of her. Olivia understands that such unconditional love can overpower a person’s other, more destructive impulses. The same kind of love leads her to support Asher regardless of her initial suspicions about his guilt. Additionally, unconditional love causes Ava to support Lily from the very beginning despite her personal struggles and conflicts about losing a son in the process of Lily’s transition.

“It wasn’t about my clothes, so what was it people saw when they laid eyes on me and said, She’s going to break some hearts? Was it just my hair, which I liked long? Or was it something else, something in my spirit that they sensed?”

Lily reflects on how people have assumed she was a girl from when she was little, even when she wasn’t dressed in feminine clothing. While gender expression is often a huge part of a person’s gender identity, helping affirm it, Lily understands that one’s gender identity can be entirely removed or separate from its expression. How one feels inside is elemental; it’s not a choice, unlike expression, and thus can’t be altered by different forms of expression.

“Mom said […] that being a woman has meant being someone who gets talked over in conversations or ignored; someone who gets judged as a body instead of as a sentient soul; someone who, no matter who you are or what you are doing, always has to be on guard, lest someone else decide that you’re going to be his victim.”

Lily and Ava discuss the different ways in which one can define a woman. One way that the two arrive at is through shared experiences. The experiences Ava lists have defined her womanhood; they’re also experiences that Lily has endured during her short life. By this definition, among others, Lily—and those like her—are all undeniably women.

“When a queen dies, you can either introduce a new one you purchase, or you can wait for the bees to create royalty. Nurse bees feed royal jelly to all larvae, at first. […] After a few days, the formula changes to worker jelly, which has lower levels of protein and sugar, or drone formula. But any egg can be repurposed to become a queen, if she is instead fed royal jelly through her entire development. […] This has always been my favorite fact about bees: in their world, destiny is fluid. You might start life as a worker, and end up a queen.”

Olivia describes the different ways in which a queen bee can be created. The circumstances are an analogy for gender identity and expression itself: One may start one’s life with a certain identity but change course over time. Olivia’s use of bees as an example points to how fluidity isn’t just a characteristic of the human experience but a normal part of life for other beings in nature as well.