Not Without My Daughter

“When Mammal, fourth son of Baba Hajji and Ameh Bozorg, had proposed this vacation during his visit with us in Michigan, he had said, ‘When you go out on the street you will have to wear long sleeves and a scarf, and dark socks.’ But he had said nothing about a long, oppressive coat in the midst of hellish summer heat.”

In this passage, the narrator points to the oppressive nature of Iranian dress codes for women. As with many details related to Betty’s experiences in Iran, she realizes that Moody and his family have not told her the entire truth prior to the family’s arrival in Iran. The imposed dress code also symbolizes Betty’s feeling of suffocation under Iran’s cultural restrictions, which she emphasizes throughout the novel.

“With Mahtob watching, unable to comprehend the meaning of this dark change in her father's demeanor, Moody growled, ‘I do not have to let you go home. You have to do whatever I say, and you are staying here.’ He pushed my shoulders, slamming me onto the bed. His screams took on a tone of insolence, almost laughter, as though he were the gloating victor in an extended, undeclared war. ‘You are here for the rest of your life. Do you understand? You are not leaving Iran. You are here until you die.’”

For the first time in the novel, Moody’s demeanor becomes openly menacing. His use of physical force, such as when he slams Betty onto the bed, foreshadows the repeated physical abuse that the protagonist and her daughter will suffer before their escape from Iran. This scene, with its explicit declaration of confinement in Iran, serves as an inciting incident in the narrative’s rising action.

“I loved Moody and I knew he loved me. In three years we had never had a single argument. Now I had options, a chance for a new life as a full-time wife and mother. I looked forward to being the perfect hostess for the numerous social occasions we would produce as Dr. and Mrs. Mahmoody. Perhaps I would finish college. Perhaps we would have a child together.”

This quote, presented as part of a flashback episode, describes Betty’s initial optimism and aspirations in her marriage to Moody, which are ultimately meant to justify her decision to visit Iran. The juxtaposition of the idyllic vision of domesticity and social success with the stark reality later portrayed in the novel emphasizes the dire nature of the narrator’s situation. Outside the narrative frame, this contextualization also serves as a warning to readers who may find themselves in similar situations.

“These were Shiite Moslems, still glorying in the success of the revolution, clad in the self-righteous robes of fanaticism. How could I—a Christian, an American, a woman dare to offer my explanation of the Koran over the views of Imam Reza, the Ayatollah Khomeini, Baba Hajji, and, indeed, my own husband? As far as everyone was concerned, as Moody's wife I was his chattel. He could do with me as he wished.”

Betty’s position in the landscape of post-revolutionary Iran is a complicated one. Accustomed to entering into conversation on an equal footing, she experiences extreme discomfort at being silenced. Nevertheless, she attempts to assert her own independence in the social setting. At the same time, Betty regards the cultural context of Iran without truly attempting to understand it, for her aim is to demonstrate her own point of view. Thus, an objective dialogue between the two cultures becomes impossible in this narrative, given the inequalities present amongst the people involved and the one-sided nature of the novel’s larger aims and message.

“Soon, all about me I heard a hideous sound flooding in through the open windows of the house. ‘Maag barg Amrika!’ voices chanted in unison from the rooftops all round us. By now I knew the phrase well, having heard it continually on Iranian news reports. It means ‘death to America!’”

This quote emphasizes the pervasive nature of anti-American sentiment in 1980s Tehran, as a result of the political tensions brought about by the Iranian Revolution. The repeated chant creates an unsettling and ominous backdrop, emphasizing the personal and political difficulties of Betty’s situation as an American woman in Iran.

“‘We cannot go against Daheejon,’ Nasserine repeated, ‘but it is okay. All men are like this.’

‘No,’ I replied sharply. ‘All men are not like this.’

‘Yes,’ she assured me solemnly. ‘Mammal does the same thing to me. Reza does the same thing to Essey. All men are like this.’

My God! I thought. What's next?”

The dialogue between Betty and Nasserine comes after the first violent outburst that Moody inflicts upon Betty. While Betty is still in shock after the episode, the other members of the household treat the event as commonplace. The dialogue between the two women exposes the cultural clash and gender dynamics within the Iranian cultural environment. Betty’s sharp retort and inner thoughts highlight her resistance to accepting male abusive behavior as universal.

“Having the use of Hamid’s phone was helpful. Although the information I received from the embassy—or the lack thereof—was demoralizing, it was still my only point of contact with home. Hamid’s friendship served another purpose too. He was the first to show me that there are many Iranians who retain an appreciation of the western style of life, and who bristle at the present government's official contempt for America.”

The motif of communication is an important one in the novel. Communication is one of Betty’s few means of escape and survival. Throughout the novel, she puts herself at great risk to maintain access to her meager sources of communication. Through Hamid, the novel introduces a nuanced character who embodies the dichotomy within Iranian society, underscoring the theme of cultural complexity and stressing the actions of individuals who resist the oppressive measures of the government.

“Nowhere in the constitution of Iran was there even a hint of any law, policy, or public program that offered me a shred of hope. The book confirmed what I already knew intuitively. Short of getting Moody’s permission, there was no legal way for Mahtob and me to leave the country together. There were several contingencies, notably divorce or Moody’s death, that might bring about my deportation, but Mahtob would be lost to me forever.”

In this quote, the constitution, which is intended to be a symbol of justice and governance, instead becomes an instrument of despair for the protagonist, emphasizing the oppressive nature of the Iranian legal framework from Betty’s point of view. Her realization of the true difficulties of her situation evolves gradually, as she slowly becomes more knowledgeable about the realities of Iranian society in the 1980s. The situation is intensified by the narrator’s realization that she does not have legal rights over her own daughter and is entirely subject to her husband’s control.

“Trish turned and opened the car door, furious with me. ‘You don’t want to leave him,’ she said. ‘You’re never going to leave him. You’re just saying this, making people believe you want to go. We don't believe you. You really want to stay here.’”

Trish’s frustration and accusation after Betty refuses to accept a risky escape plan emphasizes the emotional conflict that the narrator lives through as she is navigating her options. Trish’s accusations, although presented as unfounded, reflect on Trish as a judgmental person. However, these words also reverberate throughout the rest of the novel, amplifying Betty’s fears as she wonders if there is truth in Trish’s statement.

“How I loathed war! It made no sense. I did not understand a country full of people so eager to kill, so ready to die. This is one of the strongest and—to Americans—most unfathomable cultural differences between pampered Americans and people from comparatively deprived societies. To Mammal and Nasserine, life—including their own—was cheap. Death is a more common and therefore less mysterious phenomenon. What could they do but trust in Allah? And if the worst happened, was it not inevitable anyway? Their bravado in the face of the bombings was not a sham. Rather, it was a manifestation of the philosophy that taken to the extreme produces terrorist martyrs.”

In this quote, the author reflects on the glaring contrast between American and Iranian perspectives on war and life in general, expressing her biased views that individuals like Mammal and Nasserine are mired in cultures that she perceives to be “comparatively deprived.” The narrator’s visceral reaction, which she expresses after just having survived a bombardment, profoundly influences her perspective on the topic. However, the author demonstrates an active bias by portraying her own American culture as superior to that of Iranian culture, attributing her perceived superiority to the Americans’ lack of exposure to active warfare. While her perspective is a reasonable reaction to her situation, Betty’s biased perspective consistently influences her judgement, her actions, and her interactions with those around her.

“Here, again, was evidence that Iranians could not be placed into a single category of fanatical American-haters. Miss Alavi was guileless in her approach, probably risking her life and certainly risking her freedom by even speaking with me.”

In this quote, the narrator presents Miss Alavi as a nuanced character who defies the simplistic categorization of Iranians as people who instinctively hate Americans. Miss Alavi’s attempts to help Betty therefore challenge Betty’s own preconceived notions and negative views of Iranian people. The narrator’s experiences in Iran, although informed by her traumatic situation, portray a complex society in which the actions of many individuals challenge monolithic, overgeneralized stereotypes of Iranian culture.

“‘I told Hormoz everything,’ Ellen said, her voice taking on a brittle edge. ‘He is really upset with me. He told me never to go near the embassy, and he told me that I have to tell Moody because it is my Islamic duty. If I don’t tell him, and something happens to you and Mahtob, then it is my sin, just like I killed you. I have to tell him.’”

Ellen’s decision to betray Betty conveys the tension and fear that women in a religious Islamic household may experience, underscoring the coercive influence of the husband and the weight of societal expectations within the Islamic framework. The incident of betrayal is amplified by the fact that Ellen is an American woman who was born in the same town as Betty. The author explores themes of loyalty, fear, and the constraints placed on women within a cultural and religious context. On a more immediate and practical note, Ellen’s betrayal could potentially have fatal consequences for Betty.

“The police! I had long fretted over this possibility, and whenever I considered it, I had rejected it. The police were Iranians, the administrators of Iranian law. Under Iranian law, Moody ruled his family. They could help in some ways, but I feared their ultimate solution. They had the power to deport me, forcing me to leave the country without my daughter. Mahtob would be trapped forever in this crazy country with her insane father. But now the police seemed like the only alternative. As the events of the morning played upon my memory, I was ever more convinced that Moody would carry through on his threats. I was scared for Mahtob as well as for me.”

Betty’s internal conflict between seeking external help and fearing the potentially tragic consequences that such an action may have represents a reoccurring pattern in the novel. Her situation becomes increasingly dire as her husband becomes more violent, and this dynamic ultimately forces her to seek help from sources that are unlikely to provide it, such as the Iranian police. The author employs first-person narration to create an immersive experience of her own inner turmoil during this experience.

“For a reason only I know, I had brought Mahtob to Iran to save her; I had lost her. Darkness encompassed me now and I wrestled with my faith. Somehow I had to muster courage and resolve. Had Moody beaten me beyond the point of resistance? I feared the answer.

What Moody had done with Mahtob was the practical question, but a deeper, troubling mystery that equally to gnawed at me was how could he do this to her? To me? The Moody I knew now was simply not the same man I had married.”

This quote reflects the protagonist’s extreme distress after her daughter Mahtob is forcibly separated from her. However, the constant threat of Moody’s violence strengthens Betty’s resilience and determination to escape Iran with her daughter. At the same time, Betty grapples with the emotional shock of witnessing her husband transform from a loving partner to someone capable of systematically causing harm to her and her daughter.

“Moody found that he could not extricate himself from the international struggle. It was nearly impossible for him to remain neutral. His Iranian friends wanted to draw him further onto their side as an activist, helping to organize demonstrations, using our home as a sort of base camp. Our American friends and neighbors as well as his medical colleagues expected and even demanded that he declare his allegiance to the nation that allowed him a comfortable livelihood.”

This quote provides important background information regarding Moody’s situation, creating a much-needed explanation of his decision to return to Iran. Moody faces complex pressures as he grapples with his national identity in the midst of the political turmoil of the Iranian Revolution. He struggles to navigate dual loyalties and is torn between Iranian activists seeking his support and the expectations of his American community. Moody’s struggle to remain neutral highlights the profound impact of political tensions on personal relationships and the difficulty of finding a middle ground in a polarized environment.

“Together we faced Mecca and began our solemn intonations. My object was twofold. I wanted to please Moody, even if he saw through the facade of my thin-veiled plan. He would know I was trying to gain his favor in order to regain Mahtob, but did that not count for something? Taking Mahtob away was his last resort to gain my compliance with his plans for our life. Was this not evidence that his strategy was working?

Even that was only a secondary objective. I was more sincere in my Islamic prayers than Moody could possibly believe. I was truly desperate for aid from any quarter. If Allah was the same supreme being as my God, I would fulfill His requirements as closely as possible. I wanted to please Allah even more than I wanted to please Moody.”

Betty’s nuanced strategy to appease Moody also hides a genuine desperation for divine intervention. While Betty remains devoted to her faith in Christianity throughout the novel, she increasingly uses her devotion in an Islamic context, justifying her actions by claiming them to be dedicated to a common Abrahamic tradition. The quote also highlights the tension between her sincerity in engaging in Islamic prayers and the calculated nature of her actions.

“But there was a far deeper reason for my eagerness. I truly wanted to make the pilgrimage. Essey told me that if you perform the proper rituals at the tomb of Meshed, you will be granted three wishes. I had only one wish, but I fervently wanted to believe in the miracles of Meshed. ‘Some people take the sick and the insane and tie them to the tomb with rope and wait for miracles to occur,’ Essey told me solemnly. ‘Many have.’

I no longer knew what I believed—or did not believe about Moody’s religion. I knew only that desperation drove me.”

Betty’s eagerness to embark on the pilgrimage to the tomb of Meshed reveals a profound yearning for divine intervention and a simultaneous internal struggle with her ambivalence toward Islam, her husband’s religion. Betty’s idea of making a pilgrimage and seeking miracles in a Muslim context blurs the boundaries between religious traditions. Despite these specific cultural and religious differences, Betty’s desperate yearning for a higher power and her belief in miracles transcend doctrinal distinctions, highlighting the common thread of spiritual seeking that could unite worshipers across different faiths.

“I stared at the address scrawled upon a scrap of paper handed to me by someone.

‘Go to this address and ask for the manager,’ someone instructed me. Someone gave me directions. To reveal the identity of my benefactor would be to condemn someone to death at the hands of the Islamic Republic of Iran.”

The quote illuminates the perilous political context of the narrative and the novel itself. Betty’s secrecy concerning the person who gave her the information that ultimately led to her escape from Iran highlights the life-and-death consequences associated with assisting her. The anonymity surrounding the information exchange reflects the pervasive fear of reprisals under the oppressive regime in Iran and the continued political conflict between the two worlds at the time when the novel is written.

“The room grew fuzzy as tears streamed down my face, soaking my roosarie. My heart broke. My father was dying thousands of miles away, and I could not be there to hold his hand, to tell him of my love, to share the pain and sorrow with my family. I asked Carolyn many questions about Dad’s condition, but I could not hear her answers through my own agony.

Suddenly, I glanced up to see Moody at my side, concern etched upon his face. He had heard enough of the conversation to guess at the details.

Quietly, he said, ‘You go. You go see your dad.’”

This quote captures Betty’s emotional turmoil, as she is torn between the impending loss of her father and her situation in Iran. Moody’s unexpected expression of concern and his suggestion for her to go see her father introduces the illusion of a complex moment of compassion amidst the overarching narrative of control and coercion. However, as the narrative will show, Moody’s intention is to use this development to separate Betty from her daughter, a possibility that Betty does not accept.

“‘What are you talking about?’ Moody said. ‘I’m going to book you a flight to Corpus Christi.’

‘Why would I want to go there?’

‘To sell the house. You are not going back to America without selling the house. This is not a little trip. You are not going there for a couple of days. You are going to go there and sell everything we own. Bring the dollars back. You are not coming back until I see the dollars first.’”

Moody’s manipulative tactics reach a new level of depravity in this exchange, and Betty’s realization of his true motives drives the narrative toward its climax. In this section of the novel, Moody seizes upon Betty’s vulnerability, exploiting her desire to be with her dying father and ordering her to return to America to liquidate the family’s assets. Although Betty is not deceived by his initial expression of empathy, she is nevertheless taken aback by his calculated move to take financial advantage of the situation. His behavior and language represent the most intense example of Moody’s role as the primary antagonist of the story.

“First, I truly believed Amahl was the answer to all my prayers, both Christian and Islamic, to my nasr, to my request to Imam Mehdi, to my pilgrimage to Meshed. We did worship the same God.

Amahl had something to prove, to himself, to me, to the world. For eighteen months I had been trapped in a country that, to me, had seemed populated almost totally with villains. The storekeeper Hamid was the first to show me otherwise. Miss Alavi, Chamsey, Zaree, Fereshteh, and a few others had proven to me that you cannot categorize a person by nationality. Even Ameh Bozorg, in her own strange way, had shown at least some good intentions.”

Betty’s faith in Amahl represents the convergence of her Christian and Islamic prayers, reflecting a universal relation to the divine, for the narrative implies that the shared worship of the same God transcends cultural and national boundaries. Likewise, the kindness that Betty receives from many people whom she meets in Iran challenges some of her preconceived notions about Iranian culture. However, Betty focuses on an individualist perspective, relating to those who agree with her own American ideals instead of striving for a deeper understanding of Iran’s cultural and political complexity.

“After she returned from school, making sure that Daddy was busy, Mahtob cornered me in the kitchen. Suddenly, she said, ‘Mommy, please take me back to America today.’ It was the first time in many months that she had said something like this. She knew, too, that time was running out.

I cradled her in my arms. Tears coursed down our cheeks, mine blending with hers. ‘Mahtob, we just can't go,’ I said. ‘But don't worry, I'm not going to leave you in Tehran. I'm not going to go to America without you.’”

This quote represents the moment right before the narrative’s climax, when Betty escapes the house with Mahtob. The characters’ desperation and emotional strain have reached their maximum intensity. The intensity of the moment is heightened by the awareness that time is rapidly slipping away, which sets the stage for the impending climax. Betty’s solemn assurance not to leave Mahtob in Tehran resonates with the profound maternal commitment at the core of the novel. This pivotal scene crystallizes the high-stakes decision that Betty faces and the circumstances that propel her and her daughter toward the perilous escape through the Turkish border.

“The evening wore on in frustrating silence and inactivity. Mahtob and I shivered as much from fear as cold, realizing our vulnerability. We were in deeply now, stuck somewhere in the vague, tattered edges of a nation where life was primitive under the best of conditions. If these people took it into their heads to exploit us in any manner, there was no way we could fight back. We were at their mercy.”

This quote conveys the heightened tension and vulnerability that Betty and Mahtob experience during their dangerous journey out of Iran. Betty’s acknowledgment of their vulnerability emphasizes the stark reality that they are navigating through unfamiliar, potentially perilous territory. This leaves Betty and Mahtob in a state of powerlessness. However, in spite of this situation, Betty and Mahtob are advancing toward their freedom.