Picture Us in the Light

Chapters 6-12 reveal a deep fear that Danny keeps to himself: the fear that he had something to do with former friend Sandra’s death by suicide. Though Danny has thus been characterized as deeply empathetic and loving, he is not above the petty behavior of high school life. He and Sandra feuded over a now-insignificant slight. Danny had been so enraptured by the beginning of his friendship with Harry that he avoided Sandra, preferring to keep Harry to himself. This possessiveness implies an early infatuation with Harry. Sandra also misjudged Danny as a social climber; because he had spent middle school mocking Harry, Sandra found their new friendship suspicious. At the time, neither Sandra nor Danny extended enough kindness to each other. This division lasted a long time, and when Sandra extended an olive branch, Danny did not take it. He lives with this guilt because after Sandra’s death, he understands how little time he had with her. Furthermore, he feels guilt over having contributed to Sandra’s depression which then led to her death by suicide. Though Sandra had always felt like a failure in her parents’ eyes, no one perceived her as suffering. But when Danny rigged the school council election so Harry would win over Sandra, her tears revealed the depth of her internal conflict.

Danny’s commitment to seeing Harry happy at all costs caused Sandra to fall further into despair. He didn’t cause Sandra’s death but fixates on the connection between her loss in the election and her death. Danny keeps this guilt a secret, which makes his guilt worsen. Without anyone to talk to about his true feelings, he is forced to suffer alone. Other students at school, such as Regina and Sandra’s friends, knew that Danny and Sandra didn’t get along. This forced Danny out of an inner circle of people who came together to mourn Sandra. Without this community, he has no one to turn to deal with his own feelings of grief and guilt. Contemplating such feelings alone is dangerous, especially for young people. It forces Danny into a dark place and foreshadows future emotional issues.

Sandra’s death is an important reveal. This is the event Kelly Loy Gilbert alludes to in Part 1, when people worry about and reach out to Regina. Regina and Sandra had been best friends, so Sandra’s death hits Regina particularly hard. Regina’s struggle with Sandra’s death mirrors the struggle of all who lose loved ones to suicide. The lack of closure and understanding surrounding the death haunts her loved ones. Danny also describes how her death instilled fear in him and his peers; in being unable to predict why someone could do such a thing, much less Sandra, Danny and his peers fear the power of an individual’s darkest thoughts. As young people, few of them have dealt with death, and certainly not the death of someone as young as Sandra. Her death is a story of a life cut short—her potential remains unrealized, her loved ones left wondering why, her presence missed. It warns her peers to value and support each other, a sobering reminder that while life can be painful, ending one’s life only leaves the possibility of happiness unrealized.

Regina’s wish to honor the anniversary of Sandra’s death in the school newspaper is seen as potentially controversial, a move that could get the students involved in trouble. It is implied that some believe privileged spaces like Cupertino do not lend themselves to teenage depression and death by suicide—that these things simply don’t happen. In ignoring the reality of Sandra’s death, the high school community essentially turns away from any liability in her despair. More generously, discussions about suicide can be triggering. Danny himself contemplates what it would be like to die, this fixation on Sandra’s how and why having a negative effect on his psyche. What is needed is a therapeutic-centered approach in helping Danny, Regina, and their peers mourn their friend.

Communities are important. Danny enjoys being a part of a “we”, which is why he is so distressed by the distance between him and Regina. He can sense Regina pulling away and avoiding him, but he is unable to bridge the gap. Community is also important to Danny’s parents. Both of Danny’s parents lost their own parents, and any family they do have remain in China. Without the support system of an extended family in America, Danny’s parents rely on a Chinese diaspora for socialization and support. Diaspora refers to communities of immigrants originating from the same or similar cultural, ethnic, or national backgrounds. Diasporas help newly arrived immigrants find resources, connections, and support. Danny’s parents’ Chinese friends are crucial to their sense of belonging and wellbeing. When Danny’s father acts oddly at their holiday party, his mother’s visceral reaction to the shame comes from fear that she will lose the only connection she still has to China: her community of Chinese friends.

The conflict between Danny’s parents grows, shattering Gilbert’s initial characterization of the couple as happy, secure, and unbreakable. The financial stress and perceived betrayal of Danny’s father’s loss of employment fuel their conflict. As Danny grows, he is able to see the nuances of his parents’ relationship clearer. That being said, he is still a teenager who can’t understand the depth of his parents’ struggles. This is also an important trope in young adult fiction; parental figures are characters to be admired, feared, or suspicious of, sometimes all at the same time. Danny’s parents have been keeping the full reality of their financial situation from Danny, and there is nothing he can do to help them. With Danny’s admission into RISD, his parents choose to move to a more affordable area. Though this makes Danny unhappy, he is still a teenager reliant on his parents. Young adult fiction often focuses on the growing psyche of a teenager, and Gilbert’s novel is no different. Danny is on the cusp of young adulthood: He has his own feelings, opinions, dreams, and responsibilities, but must deal with life’s blows as others (like his parents) deal them.

Danny is devastated to learn that he has to move. He is already facing significant transitions, with his senior year underway and upcoming move to Rhode Island. On the cusp of his life changing as planned, he is forced to change without a plan. This move emphasizes the severity of the family’s financial situation and helps explain the resentment between Danny’s parents over his father’s unemployment. Their move is a regression in socioeconomic status, a step back in their immigration story. Danny’s parents’ attachment to the house is symbolized through his mother’s garden. When his parents have a fight, his father tries to make it up to his mother by taking care of her garden during a frost, making the garden a symbol of forgiveness and regrowth. The garden is also a symbol of homegoing and nurturing, as Danny’s mother caring for it implies she believes in the stability of their home—this belief having been uprooted with their imminent move. Another ongoing conflict is Danny’s growing attraction to Harry. In a tussle, Danny finds himself physically yearning for him. He tries to put the moment out of his mind, but it is clear that this desire is longstanding but repressed.