Purple Heart

Two MPs arrive and escort Matt to Lieutenant Colonel Fuchs’s office for questioning. They guide him out of the hospital and into an “ornate” (95) building that used to be Saddam’s palace. Inside, they pass through a gigantic marble room filled with Army cots, “like some kind of weird, palatial summer camp” (96), before they arrive at Fuchs’s office. Matt recognizes Fuchs as the officer who gave Matt his Purple Heart. A first lieutenant, Brody, is also there for the meeting. Fuchs thanks Matt for his service and asks Matt to watch the college basketball game playing on his TV for a moment. Watching basketball in Saddam’s former palace is, to Matt, “a war story no one would believe” (99).

Fuchs tells Matt to relax—he’s “among friends” (99)—which only makes Matt “feel even more uncomfortable” (99). Then the officer gets down to business: the locals have claimed that one of the casualties of the incident that injured Matt—a child, Ayyad Mahmud Aladdin Kimadi—“was killed intentionally” (100). Matt recognizes Ali’s full name and admits that he knows the boy. Fuchs says that no one claimed the boy’s body, and the Army gave the tribal elders the “standard death gratuity” of about 2,500 U.S. dollars (101). Fuchs and Brody act as if this is all “routine procedure” (101), and Matt finds himself following along, “as if they were acting out lines from a TV show” (101).

Fuchs tells Matt that in Iraq, there’s “a lot of confusion about who exactly the enemy is” (102), as insurgents “hide behind” and “use civilians” (102). He warns Matt not to say anything he might regret, and Matt thinks the lieutenant might be “telling him to lie” (103). Fuchs ends by saying that when Matt’s a little stronger, Lieutenant Brody will interview him, and then they send him back to the ward. On the way, Matt has a “sickening” (105) realization that “the half-full body bag he’d seen earlier: It was Ali’s” (105).

Matt returns to the ward to find Francis packing up: “They’re sending me back out[because I'm a]wack job” (105). No one will believe anything he says because of his pill addiction. Francis leaves “without a word of good-bye” (106).

Matt goes to Meaghan’s office and tells her about his encounter with Fuchs and Brody. Matt “needs” (108)to be sure about what happened, but Meaghan warns him that his mind might be “protecting” (108)him. At Meaghan’s behest, Matt describes all the images he sees of the incident, beginning with the alley full of trash and a stray dog, then Ali appearing, the boy engulfed in a “flash” (109) and a light that lifts him up and away. Matt doesn’t remember shooting his gun, and Meaghan says that when something is “too painful to process […] [the] mind has a way of burying it” (110). The “it” being buried, Matt thinks, is “aiming, pulling the trigger, and killing a little boy” (110).

Matt attempts to confess what he’s done to Father Brennan, sitting in a metal folding chair in a supply closet that serves as a makeshift confessional. Matt remembers the comfort of the confessional booth back in the States, the sense of “absolution” (111) as soon as he uttered the words: “Please bless me, Father, for I have sinned” (110). This time, in saying those same words, Matt feels “no relief. Nothing” (111). He finds himself unable to remember the scene of Ali’s death clearly, instead “besieged by random, maddening thoughts” (112) like World Series trivia. Matt only says that he “just can’t…” (112), and the priest, with “a sadness in his bright blue eyes” (113), says he’ll be there when Matt is ready.

Matt wonders if other soldiers have the same “struggle” (114) over the acts they perform in war and considers what his squad mates have said. Figueroa has said he just doesn’t want to talk about it; Justin has claimed you can’t think about “morals or politics” (115) when it’s kill or be killed. It’s his squad mate Wolf’s comments that made the greatest impression on Matt. Wolf said he hates “how we came over here to help these people and instead we’re killing them” (115). But at the same time, he loves the “primal” thrill of the battle, feeling “like you’re ten feet tall and bulletproof” (115). Again, Matt misses his squad and wishes he was back with them, especially since he’s about to meet with Lieutenant Brody.

Matt meets with Lieutenant Brody, who has dropped the “friendly, proud-to-meet-you tone” (116) of their last encounter for a no-nonsense one. Brody goes over what the Army knows of the incident—Matt and Justin pursued a driver with “hostile intent,” acting “without an officer present” (117)because there was a shortage of officers at the time. As Brody continues, Matt becomes increasingly confused, trying to reconcile Brody’s description with his still spotty memory. He is surprised to hear that Justin ran through “intermittent fire” (118) to rescue Matt—Matt hadn’t realized how much Justin had put his own safety at risk.

As Brody begins to discuss Ali’s death, Matt prepares himself to answer Brody’s questions as best he can—he’s written down, studied, and “memorized” (119) every event he remembers. He finds Brody doesn’t give Matt the chance to explain his version of events; rather, Brody concludes that with Matt’s brain injury, “[his] recollection of the chain of events would not be considered reliable” (119). Brody writes off Ali’s death as “a classic case of collateral damage” (121) and decides trying to determine exactly what happened would be a waste of time. Rather than Matt, it is “the insurgents who endanger civilians” (121), and those insurgents are truly at fault in this case.

With the matter apparently resolved, Brody dismisses Matt, and Matt realizes that Brody “told him what happened” without asking “a single question” (122).Matt should feel relieved, but with a “hollow, uneasy feeling in his gut” (123), he enters a men’s bathroom and throws up.

Matt returns to his ward to find Francis’s bed has a new occupant, someone Matt “couldn’t stand” (124)simply because he’s taken Francis’s place. That night, he awakens to realize for the first time there is no crying—the person crying every night was Francis.

The next morning, Matt confronts Meaghan, accusing her of telling Brody that Matt couldn’t remember what happened. Meaghan doesn’t deny this, but also says she told Brody Matt is ready to return to his unit. To his surprise, Matt finds himself afraid that he’s not ready to leave the safety of the hospital. At the same time, “all that really matter[s]” (126)is getting back to his squad.

Meaghan stands, and after a “flicker of the warmth” she’s shone Matt in the past, she gives him a “crisp salute” (127)—an action that completely breaks protocol, as an officer should never salute a private. Matt returns the salute and thanks Meaghan before leaving. On the way out, he realizes that Meaghan has protected him.

Dr. Kwong gives Matt his final evaluation and tells him to “keep an eye on that right leg” (128)—the slight injury Matt thought Dr. Kwong didn’t notice. Then Matt gets to make another call home to tell his family he’s returning to the field. Lizzy answers again, but Matt is frustrated and short with her, a marked contrast to their earlier call that prompts Lizzy to sarcastically ask, “When did you turn into, like, a Hallmark card?” (130). Matt asks Lizzy to tell their mom he’s going back to his squad, and—just as Francis did with his wife—to ask everyone to use the side door.

Next Matt writes a letter to Caroline, saying Iraq is a “strange place” where “you think there are rules,” but then it turns out that “everybody has a different idea of what’s right and wrong” (132). He throws the letter into the trash, sure Caroline won’t “have any idea” (132)of what he’s saying. He wants to tell her about Meaghan and Francis, and what’s been happening to him; instead, he starts a new letter: “How was the bio quiz?” (133).

Matt stops by the makeshift confessional to receive a blessing. Kneeling before Father Brennan, Matt remembers the calm, comforting sense of “grace” (134) he felt as an altar boy. While he doesn’t experience that same grace now, he feels “something shift” inside him, leaving him “lighter somehow” (134). Matt impulsively gives his Purple Heart to Father Brennan, who says he’ll hold on to it “until [Matt is] ready” (134).