So You Want to Talk About Race

“I hope that if parts of this book make you uncomfortable, you can sit with that discomfort for a while, to see if it has anything else to offer you.” 

Racism is an uncomfortable topic, especially for those whose actions (and inaction) uphold White Supremacy. No one enjoys feeling sad, angry, or guilty, but these discomforts pale in comparison to experiencing systemic oppression. In this passage, Oluo recommends that people use their discomfort to interrogate the active and passive ways in which they promote systemic racism. In short, she asks readers to put their discomfort to use to advance social justice. 

“White Supremacy is this nation's oldest pyramid scheme. Even those who have lost everything to the scheme are still hanging in there, waiting for their turn to cash out.”

Comparing systemic racism to a pyramid scheme serves two critical functions. First, it connects systemic racism to shady business practices, highlighting the monetary benefits the inheritors of the system reap at the expense of the oppressed. Just as slave owners profited from the free labor of slaves, White people today benefit financially from paying unfair wages to minorities and from forcing incarcerated Black men to work for little or no pay. Second, the analogy underscores the ways in which broad swathes of the population participate in upholding the system (either consciously or unconsciously), despite the fact that it only benefits a select few.  

“Disadvantaged white people are not erased by discussions of disadvantages facing people of color, just as brain cancer is not erased by talking about breast cancer. They are two different issues with two different treatments, and they require two different conversations.” 

This passage addresses those who try to derail conversations about race by pointing to other forms of injustice. Recognizing the oppression of people of color in no way negates the suffering of other marginalized groups, such as underprivileged White people. Racism and poverty sometimes overlap, but they are two separate issues. As such, they demand different conversations and solutions.

“Often, being a person of color in white-dominated society is like being in an abusive relationship with the world.” 

This simile conveys important truths about systemic racism. Just as abusers regularly insult their partners, people of color are exposed to overtly racist behavior and microaggressions on a daily basis. Similarly, just as the abused walk on eggshells to avoid angering their abusers, people of color modulate their tones and language so as not to offend White people. Last, just as the abused excuse the behavior of their abusive partners, people of color dismiss microaggressions as small and unintentional. In contrast to abusive relationships, however, living in a racist society multiplies the number of abusers, and they include the well-intentioned.

“Over four hundred years of systemic oppression have set large groups of racial minorities at a distinct power disadvantage. If I call a white person a cracker, the worst I can do is ruin their day. If a white person thinks I’m a n*****, the worst they can do is get me fired, arrested, or even killed in a system that thinks the same—and has the resources to act on it.”

This passage stresses the power of words and the impossibility of divorcing contemporary racism from the country’s racist past. The term cracker, while insulting, does not have the same power as the n-word because the effects of this past are still with us.

“We have to remember that racism was designed to support an economic and social system for those at the very top. This was never motivated by hatred of people of color, and the goal was never in and of itself simply the subjugation of people of color. The ultimate goal of racism was the profit and comfort of the white race, specifically, of rich white men. The oppression of people of color was an easy way to get this wealth and power, and racism was a good way to justify it. This is not about sentiment beyond the ways in which our sentiment is manipulated to maintain an unjust system of power.” 

The main purpose of Oluo’s book is not to combat individual racists who hate people of color. Rather, her aim is to call attention to and help dismantle systemic racism, which is far more insidious. Systems of racism were designed by, and for, wealthy White men. Pushing back against systemic racism in our classrooms, workplaces, law enforcement agencies, and governments by demanding equality and representation is the only way to end racial oppression.

“There is no shoving the four hundred years' racial oppression and violence toothpaste back in the toothpaste tube.” 

This passage emphasizes the importance of addressing the past. History cannot be undone or forgotten, but ending oppression demands both an understanding of, and reconciling with, history. 

“In fact, it's our desire to ignore race that increases the necessity of its discussion. Because our desire to not talk about race also causes us to ignore race in areas where lack of racial consideration can have real detrimental effects on the lives of others—say, in school boards, community programs, and local government.” 

Oluo draws attention to the centrality of dialogue in ending systemic oppression. Discussing racism is difficult and often uncomfortable. It sparks negative emotions, including sadness, anger, and guilt. However, avoiding the topic allows racism to exist in areas of critical importance, such as schools and government agencies. This passage (like the book’s title) stresses the importance of engaging in conversations. 

“When we identify where our privilege intersects with somebody else's oppression, we'll find our opportunities to make real change.” 

Oluo’s overarching goal is not just to promote dialogue, but also to effect change. This quote encourages readers to consider their privilege (whether it relates to race, class, gender, or other factors), as a means of both recognizing the oppression of others and furthering social justice.

“It is natural to feel like focusing on your advantages invalidates your disadvantages and your struggles in life, but that is not what will happen. You can be both privileged in some areas of life, and underprivileged in others.” 

Privilege and intersectionality are two key concepts in Oluo’s book. A multitude of factors shapes one’s experiences, including race, class, gender, sexual orientation, and ability. This passage stresses the complexity of privilege and how it operates, clarifying that some individuals may be privileged in some areas and disadvantaged in others.

“These privileges and oppressions do not exist in a vacuum, however, and can combine with each other, compound each other, mitigate each other, and contradict each other.” 

Understanding experiences solely through the lens of race is reductive. Throughout her book, Oluo emphasizes the importance of approaching systemic racism as a complex, multilayered problem. Diverse factors come to bear on the lives of oppressors and those who are oppressed. These factors are not mutually exclusive. Rather, they can overlap in unpredictable and sometimes contradictory ways. 

“But if you don’t embrace intersectionality, even if you make progress for some, you will look around one day and find that you’ve become the oppressor of others.” 

This quote obliquely criticizes early feminists, most of whom were White and middle class, for failing to consider race in their discussions of gender equality. This failure stands in stark contrast to prominent Black feminists, who quickly adopted intersectionality as a theory and practice after the term’s introduction in 1989. The theory holds that all intersections of identity, privilege, and oppression must be considered to arrive at a more just world, not just for some but for all. 

“Our police force was not created to serve black Americans; it was created to police black Americans and serve white Americans.” 

This quote references the oppressive history of America’s police forces, alluding to the fact that the effects of this history are still felt today. Police forces serve vastly different functions depending on race. On the one hand, they aim to control Black people by targeting them for stops, searches, and arrests. On the other hand, they protect White people. These functions are rooted in the origins of police forces in Night and Slave patrols. One of Oluo’s goals in Chapter 6 is to problematize the views readers may have of law enforcement: Police can simultaneously be trustworthy public servants to one community and oppressors to another. 

“And I am proud, but mostly, I’m angry. I’m angry, because when I look around, I’m still alone. I’m still the only black woman in the room. And when I look at what I’ve fought so hard to accomplish next to those who will never know that struggle I wonder, ‘How many were left behind?’”

Affirmative action has its detractors. Many argue that it promotes laziness in women and people of color, that it is unfair to White men, and that policies aimed at leveling the playing field in areas of education and employment simply don’t work. Oluo suggests that affirmative action works, but not well enough, as evidenced by Oluo herself, who is often the only Black woman in the room.

“We often focus on the outcomes of the school-to-prison pipeline as the ultimate tragedy—the high drop-out rates, future poverty and joblessness, the likelihood of repeated incarceration—but when I look at our school-to-prison pipeline, the biggest tragedy to me is the loss of childhood joy.” 

One of the most regrettable consequences of systemic racism in America’s schools is the negative impact it has on the psyches of Black children. By touching on the issue in Chapter 8, Oluo sets up her more thorough treatment of the psychological effects of systemic racism in Chapter 12, which addresses the link between microaggressions and hypervigilance, anxiety, and depression. 

“Words have power. Words are more than their dictionary definition. The history of a word matters as long as the effects of that history are still felt.” 

Oluo is discussing the use of racialized language, specifically the n-word. Oluo devotes all of Chapter 9 to the word, explaining its history, its usage in some Black circles, and why White people should not use it, even those who are well-meaning. The n-word cannot be divorced from its racist roots. As Oluo notes, the term remains harmful because systemic racism continues to impact the lives of Black people.  

“Cultural appropriation is the product of a society that prefers its culture cloaked in whiteness.” 

Oluo differentiates between appreciation and appropriation. Any borrowing by a dominant culture from a marginalized culture runs the risk of being insulting and exploitative. The fact that many of the best-paid rappers are White reveals that Americans prefer Black culture to be repackaged to suit their tastes. Oluo objects to White people selectively taking and profiting from Black artists without also taking on the oppression that gave rise to their art.

“When it comes to racial oppression, it really is the little things that count.” 

Although they are small, microaggressions have a big impact on the mental health of people of color. In this section of the text, Oluo not only alludes to the cumulative effects of microaggressions, but also references the small gestures that help people of color cope with them, namely sincere apologies.

“If you want to fight racism in America, you have to fight the model minority myth.” 

Of all the issues Oluo raises, the model minority myth is among the most challenging because it is superficially positive, presenting Asian Americans as hardworking and good at STEM subjects. As Oluo points out, however, the myth has detrimental effects on Asians and other minorities, especially Black people, Native Americans, and Hispanics, who are defined in opposition to “model” Asians. This quote urges readers to push back against the model minority myth, which only serves to support White Supremacy.

“To refuse to listen to someone’s cries for justice and equality until the request comes in a language you feel comfortable with is a way of asserting your dominance over them in the situation.” 

Tone policing is a form of oppression. It is an attempt to dictate the way oppression is discussed by threatening to withhold support. This passage posits that tone policing shifts the emphasis away from social justice, focusing instead on White people’s approval. The passage also alludes to the concept of “good” and “bad” minorities, thereby linking the chapter to the preceding one, which focuses on the myth of the model minority.

“Our humanity is worth a little discomfort, it's actually worth a lot of discomfort.”

Tone policing aims to make difficult conversations about race more comfortable for White people. In this quote, Oluo stresses that putting up with minor discomfort is a small price to pay to combat system racism. For people of color, the stakes are much higher.

“You are racist because you were born and bred in a racist, white supremacist society. White Supremacy is, as I’ve said earlier, insidious by design. The racism required to uphold White Supremacy is woven into every area of our lives. There is no way you can inherit white privilege from birth, learn racist white supremacist history in schools, consume racist and white supremacist movies and films, work in a racist and white supremacist workforce, and vote for racist and white supremacist governments and not be racist.” 

A salient feature of Oluo’s book is her direct writing style. She does not sugarcoat hard-to-hear truths, nor does she shy away from difficult language. Her use of controversial terms, such as White Supremacy, may alienate some readers. However, her directness conveys the urgency of the cause and prioritizes the plight of the oppressed over the comfort of their oppressors.  

“[D]o not fear those who bring that oppression to light. Do not fear the opportunity to do better.” 

Discussing racism can be uncomfortable regardless of one’s race. Many White people shy away from having these discussions because they are nervous about saying the wrong thing, are afraid of being called racist, or fear confronting their own racism. Oluo argues that this fear is misplaced. What is truly frightful is a person contributing to racial oppression simply because they fear self-examination.