The Four Loves

Eros is the state of “being in love.” (91). Sexuality is only an ingredient of Eros, not the love itself.Lewis refers to the carnal element of Eros as “Venus” (92). Lewis takes care to make the distinction that sexuality can be present without Eros. Any two bodies can participate in the physical act of sex. They need not be in love, engage in Friendship or Affection, or even see or think of each other again. They need only their bodies. But this is not to say that Lewis views sexual activity in the absence of Eros as something degraded. In Christianity, sex is typically discussed as being the province of marriage, but Lewis’s discussion of Eros does not consider the morals of sexuality within or without the bounds of marriage or committed relationships. He examines sex in terms of its relationship to God and man, as with the other loves.

Lewis begins by describing the early stages of Eros, or falling in love: “Very often what comes first is simply a delighted preoccupation with the Beloved [...] A man in this state really hasn’t leisure to think of sex” (93). Desire in the early stages of Eros is not necessarily sexual and may not involve lust at all. This preoccupation with “the Beloved”(93) leads to falling in love, in which Eros then arises: “Sexual desire, without Eros, wants it, the thing in itself; Eros wants the Beloved” (94). When a man “wants a woman” (94), he is thinking of the sensory pleasures her body can provide. When he feels Eros towards a woman, pleasure is not the goal. He wants not “a woman” (94), but one particular woman. In this way, Eros transforms “a Need-pleasure into the most Appreciative of all pleasures” (95).

Lewis discusses the earliest theologians and the view they took of Eros as a spiritual danger. The apostle Paul saw marriage as a means by which to contain Eros. By limiting the sexual act to spouses, they were each freed from the preoccupation of finding sex and could therefore focus their attention on serving God. Lewis believes this worry is misplaced: “The gnat-like cloud of petty anxieties and decisions about the conduct of the next hour have interfered with my prayers more often than any passion or appetite” (97).

Further, Lewis believes that “[w]e are all being encouraged to take Venus too seriously. All my life a ludicrous and portentous solemnisation of sex has been going on” (97). What is often forgotten, in Lewis’s view, is that sex is perhaps the greatest pleasure possible on earth and that it can be for solely for its own sake and on its own merits. Aphrodite was described as “laughter-loving” (99) by her worshippers, despite her status as the Goddess of Eros.

However, this does not mean that he believes that there are not reasons to take sex seriously. He gives four reasons. First, sex is what Lewis calls “the mystical image of the union between God and Man” (99). Two bodies joined together physically are a metaphorical example of God’s relationship to man. When God enters the metaphor, it must be taken seriously.

Second, sex has a pagan—or “sub-Christian” (99)—aspect to it because it is the means of procreation. Ancient fertility rites reenacted the marriage of a “Sky-Father” to an “Earth-Mother” (98). Every human couple participating in sex reenacts the same. Lewis believes that this metaphorical truth has persisted in the modern world because there is value to the idea. Procreation remains a miracle and a celebration of ancient rites.

Third, because sex leads to children, it also turns one’s mind to the realities of being a parent and an ancestor. Without sex there are no lineages.

Fourth, sex must be treated seriously because of the “emotional seriousness” (98) it engenders in the minds of the participants. Even though Lewis believes that sex has become overly serious in the minds of many Christians, he also knows that for people in the throes of Eros, nothing seems more serious than sex and the feelings it produces, even if only in the moment.

Every language is full of jokes about sex, and Lewis considers this far less dangerous to Christianity that treating it with undue gravity: “Banish play and laughter from the bed of love and you may let in a false Goddess” (99). This over-seriousness could lead to Venus taking revenge.Lewis quotes Sir Thomas Browne stating that sex is: “The foolishest act a wise man commits in all his life, nor is there anything that will more deject his cool’d imagination, when he shall consider what an odd and unworthy piece of folly he hath committed” (99). However, a man can only see the absurdity of the sexual act if he cannot view it with playfulness. If he begins sex with a grave attitude of duty towards it, then he will subsequently be embarrassed by the memories of his physical actions. When sex is seen as play, its aftermath can playful as well.

Lewis concludes the chapter by reminding the reader that Christ was often referred to as the “Bridegroom of the Church” (78). He—and God, by giving his Son—has sacrificed more for God’s creations than lovers ever can for each other. Each human being is in the privileged state of being “The Beloved”(93) of God and faces the humbling prospect of being in God’s thoughts. This preoccupation—God wishes for the best for his children and so dwells on their well-being—is, in Lewis’s view, not unlike romantic love.