You Made a Fool of Death with Your Beauty

Lorraine comes to the house. Feyi tells Alim she will leave them alone but then gets mad at herself for acting like a scared child. She eavesdrops from the stairs instead of hiding in her room. She overhears Lorraine telling Alim that Nasir has told people Feyi is a groupie of Alim’s and likes him just because he is famous. She makes a crack that Feyi must be good in bed. Alim goes ominously silent. Lorraine talks about how they are humiliated by the scandal, sounding like she is going to cry. Alim calls her his little sea urchin, saying she always spoke barbs when she was in pain and that her mother would be horrified to hear her now. Lorraine is not happy he brought up her mother; she says Marisol would not have approved. He agrees that she would be angry because he is impetuous, but that he wants to have all the hard conversations. Lorraine begs him to send Feyi away so they can fix things. Alim says that he is sorry, but he is not going to push her out. Lorraine is horrified that he thinks he has done nothing wrong. He says he made a hurtful choice, but it does not make it wrong. She scoffs and Alim says he wishes Feyi would have come to him another way, but that he had lost so much in life and now has a chance to get it back. Lorraine argues that none of it is real, that Feyi is a gold digger. Feyi cannot listen anymore and starts to leave. Lorraine says they cannot mend anything while Feyi is still there and leaves, telling him to call her when he comes to his senses.

Nasir’s accusation that Feyi is a gold-digging groupie hurts her because he knows it is not true. She goes into the room where Alim is watching Lorraine’s car drive off. He says he is sorry if she heard any of that and she confesses she heard a little. They hug, and Feyi feels that she has driven a wedge between him and his kids. She tells him she can go if he needs her to. Alim very gently says it’s not about her, and that if she leaves, she should leave for herself. He says he is going to go for a run, and while he is gone, Feyi decides she needs to talk to her therapist. Just making the appointment makes Feyi feel better, and she goes to the garden to do some stretching. She thinks that survival means madness and guilt and that it is her job to soothe herself. They will live with their choices, it will be messy, but that is survival. The ideas of madness, mess, taking up space, and feeling furious and alive begin to circulate in her mind for her art.

She wants to make Alim something for when he gets home so he feels cared for, despite him being a famous chef. She looks up a recipe for grilled cheese sandwiches online. She does not hear Alim come home. She feels embarrassed, but he eats it and is complimentary. He teases her, asking if she faked not knowing how to cook to seduce him. Feyi asks if he has a therapist and suggests he talk to them. Alim thinks it is a great idea and thanks her for looking out for him. He says he has a few friends like Rebecca but has not figured out how to tell her without it sounding like he seduced one of her artists. They joke that it was the other way around, and Alim thanks her for waking him up. Feyi says they are going to be okay, and when Alim looks vulnerable she reassures him by saying they are both alive and have time.

Feyi and Alim spend several days enjoying their time on the mountain. Pooja comes with chiffon for the commission, and together they tear it, screaming out their grief and anger. Pooja weeps when it is over and presses her tears into the fabric. Feyi adds it to the work she is making, layering it with blood and paint. Pooja comes back again with a small lace square that was her daughter’s. When Feyi tells Alim, he asks to watch her work. Feyi says she likes showing herself to him. It occurs to her that they both know that when she finishes the piece, she will leave the island. The next day Alim comes to the studio, bringing a short piece of wire that was in his wife’s hair. He offers it for the piece and Feyi gladly accepts, but he first uses it to pierce his skin. He wipes his blood on it before handing it over. Feyi puts his finger in her mouth, and they hold each other. She suggests they go to the peak the next morning to watch the sunrise. Alim waits for Feyi to finish for the day, telling her Pooja will love it despite Feyi’s saying it is not pretty. They walk back to the house holding hands.

The next morning, they hike to the peak in time to see the sunrise. Alim puts a blanket down and they drink water and enjoy nature. Feyi takes off her socks and puts her feet in the grass. He says she is the most beautiful thing on the mountain, and Feyi admires his body. She kisses and straddles him. She begins to undress herself, but he asks if she is sure and points out that they are outside. She says she loves how alive she feels. He tells her to say if she wants him to stop, and she says she will, but she will not want to. She says she’s been tested, and he has had a vasectomy, so nothing is stopping them. They have passionate sex, holding each other tightly and not letting go.

Feyi is more than happy with her work for Pooja. It feels like it has weight to it. Pooja is excited to come up to the mountain to see it but also to have a meal with Alim, who she says is hard to pin down. Feyi can tell Pooja wants to ask about the rumors.

Her phone rings, and Feyi is surprised to see Milan’s name. He says Nasir told him what is going on, and that he wants her to do what she needs to do. Milan explains that Nasir has had a good life and does not understand when things cut you deep inside. He knew she watched him when he could not sleep at night back when they were together, and that it was perfect that she never asked what was going on because he did not want to talk about it. Still, he thought it was interesting that they recognized each other’s pain. He confides that he lost a child and that it was taking up a lot of space inside him. When Feyi asks if he is calling to give his blessing, he says he wants Feyi to look out for herself, and that Nasir will be fine. Feyi says Nasir would beg to differ, but Milan says Feyi should not throw her life away to make him feel better. Feyi tells him he is being kind, and Milan says they are friends. Feyi asks about his ex, and he says she has him in therapy talking about his feelings, and that he does not want to lose her because life is too short. He tells Feyi to text him if she wants to talk. Feyi walks through the garden knowing she needs to go back to New York, to get outside the island bubble and see Joy and her parents.

Alim finds her in the garden. He tells her he and Nasir have been talking. Nasir asked if this was Alim’s way of exacting revenge on his kids for Devon, but he is trying to make sense of things. Alim believes it might help if Feyi talked to him. She goes down to the gazebo and finds Nasir still there. He apologizes for the two times he got mean. He asks her if she is serious about his father, and Feyi says Alim would not be putting them through this if it was not serious. He says he wants her to talk about only her, that it hurts to hear about his father’s feelings through her. Nasir tells her she looks good and makes a lewd comment about her sexual relationship with Alim, and she turns to leave. He comes after her, saying he is not a big enough person to handle this and asking what his father has that he does not. Feyi reminds him that he called her a groupie and a gold digger, and Nasir admits he was angry. She points out the irony that Nasir and Lorraine were obsessed with them having sex before they even had it. When Nasir asks when they finally did, Feyi tells him that what she or Alim do with their bodies is not anyone’s business. Nasir says he is not upset that she had sex with someone else—he is upset that it was his father. Feyi admits she has spent hours torturing herself about how horrible she is for it.

When Nasir asks why she did it, she tells him when she is with Alim she feels like the world gave her another chance. Nasir understands she is talking about Jonah and his mother. Feyi is sorry she cannot feel for him what she feels for his father, but she thinks to herself that seeing this side of Nasir makes her glad their relationship did not go further. When Nasir says that comparing himself to his father is torturing him, Feyi replies that they are two different people and that she is not the person Nasir needs. She hopes someday they can be friends. They apologize to each other again for the hurtful things they did, and Nasir says she should tell Alim she has fallen in love with him. He leaves her feeling shocked.

Feyi walks back to the house feeling overwhelmed. Missing home, she calls Joy, who is concerned when she sees Feyi crying. She tells her to come home. Feyi wonders if doing that will end things with Alim, and Joy says that if it is real, distance will not change it. When Feyi asks about Justina, Joy says things have changed. She refuses to tell Feyi anything until she gets home. Feyi lies down on the grass and whispers thanks for having Alim. She thinks back to the first time she saw him dressed in white in the airport, radiating power. She wonders how it is possible that they are together now, and thinks about how since the mountain they have not been able to keep their hands off each other. She feels like something is alive inside her again. She had not recognized what this feeling was until Nasir said it: She loves Alim. Though she had believed she should not love anyone except Jonah, a new path has opened up for her. She does not know what Alim is feeling, but she knows that she is going home and that she loves him.

Alim is playing Buika’s music in the library when she finds him. When he asks how it went with Nasir, she feels confused, as she has already moved past that. She says he apologized, but Alim notices something else is up. She says she has to tell him two things. She tells him she needs to go back to her old life, and he nods. Feyi builds her courage, letting the ache and aliveness she is feeling motivate her. She knows that even if he does not love her back, her victory is that her heart can still love after all she has been through. She tells him she loves him, then rushes to add that he does not have to say it back. They dance, and she tells him he is beautiful. He says he wants to ask her two questions. The first is if she would ever want to get married again because he is in love with her too. Feyi asks if he is proposing, and he says not yet. His second question is if he could come to Brooklyn with her for a short visit. He wants her to know that what they have is real and that they can be together outside the bubble of the mountain. He kisses her and tells her he loves that she faces her fears and leans into her grief to be more alive. She has shifted his entire worldview and rekindled light and joy for him. When Feyi says his children will not approve of them getting married, he shrugs and says it does not matter because they are alive and love each other. When Feyi says she is excited for him to see her home but has no idea how they are going to make it all work, he says it does not matter because they have time.