You Should See Me in a Crown

Liz and Mack find more time to spend alone together. Liz lies to Gabi again in order to avoid going over to her house. Amanda takes the long way to Liz’s home, and they eventually pull over in a secluded area where they have some privacy. There, they listen to Kittredge and talk. Amanda confesses that Liz is the best thing about running for prom queen. Liz asks Amanda if she’ll go to prom with her, and she agrees. They kiss, and they both wish that they never have to leave the car. Amanda tells Liz that “we deserve good things too. No matter how we have to get them” (113). 

Gabi and Liz’s friendship gets even more tumultuous. Gabi tries to convince Liz to be seen with Jordan more often so they can leverage his popularity for a higher rank. Amanda overhears this and comes over. Gabi is immediately rude to her, and Liz does not defend her girlfriend. Amanda leaves, clearly upset, and Liz feels guilty as a result.

Liz calls off work so that she can go and apologize to Amanda. Gabi catches her on the way out of school and warns her not to get too close to Amanda. She tells Liz that she’s only doing this to try and look out for her, because being queer will undoubtedly affect her rank. Liz bikes to Amanda’s house and meets her dad, who is delighted at being able to meet her. Liz apologizes for not telling her friends about their relationship but still does not tell Amanda the real reason why she is running for prom queen.

The core group of characters are at Jordan’s house for a party. Liz hangs out with Jordan and his friends, surprising herself with how easily she seems to fit in and how much fun she is having. It does bother her, however, that Amanda is keeping her distance. Amanda has brought a friend with her from her old school, and Liz is jealous. Liz excuses herself from the party to confront Amanda about the other girl. They have a hushed argument about Liz’s conflicting messages. Amanda is following Liz’s lead and keeping her distance. She communicates to Liz that, “I’m okay with not being the poster children for healthy, transparent queer teenage relationships, but I have to know what we’re doing” (125).

Amanda’s mature handling of the conversation ties back again to the repeated theme of communication throughout the novel. Their previously clear lines of communication, however, have been muddied by Liz’s lies. Before Amanda leaves, she says out loud that Liz likes girls. Unbeknownst to the her, Rachel has overheard and recorded this entire conversation and will use it later to try and run a smear campaign against Liz.

Amanda catches on that Liz is keeping their relationship secret because of her prom ranking, not because of safety. She breaks up with Liz and leaves the party. Liz has a severe panic attack and pukes all over Jordan’s hoodie. 

The next morning, Jordan takes Liz to breakfast. Jordan let Liz sleep at his house after her panic attack the night before. At a diner, she confesses to him that she’s only running for prom because of the scholarship money. She also tells him that her desperate need for that money is the reason why she and Amanda broke up. Jordan listens to her and bluntly tells her that lying to Mack was a bad idea.

Liz asks Jordan about Emme. He doesn’t tell her the details of the situation. but does say that it hurts to talk about Emme because he loves her and feels like he failed to help her. Later, the reader learns from Rachel that Emme has gone to rehab to recover from an addiction, though no more details are provided.

Liz laments that after prom season Jordan and her will no longer be able to hang out. Jordan rushes to convince her otherwise, apologizing again for his actions during freshman year. He mentions wanting to speak to Liz after the incident, but that her lack of response to his letter had convinced him not to do so. Liz discovers that Jordan gave a letter of apology to Gabi to pass on to Liz. Gabi never gave Liz the letter.

On the other side of the restaurant, a few girls from school have taken pictures of Jordan and Liz and put them on Campbell Confidential. At the breach of privacy, they both leave.

Liz and Gabi have a huge argument. When Liz sees Gabi, she is dressed in sweatpants and looks more disheveled than she usually does. Liz confronts Gabi about the letter. Gabi tries to explain herself, telling Liz that she was afraid of losing her to Jordan. Gabi says, “My family isn’t great like yours, Liz. You were my family. And I thought I had lost you!” (134). Gabi says that hiding that letter was an attempt to protect Liz.

Liz is overwhelmed. Gabi’s lies are at the heart of Liz’s insecurity and lack of self-esteem. She spent four years thinking that Jordan stopped being friends with her because she wasn’t good enough, and Gabi allowed Liz to continue down the path of insecurity. Gabi tries to say that she’s been atoning for her mistake by bringing Liz and Jordan back together, but Liz stops her. She tells Gabi that she deserves a best friend who doesn’t want to change who she is.